How Can You Mock Dead Billionaires?

You Horrible, Horrible Man!

“How can you be so distasteful and mock the dead billionaire submarine tourists?”

I’ve seen several posts to this effect across the Interwebs this week. Especially today, since it’s been confirmed all are dead.

So how can I share memes, laugh, and make jokes about the situation?

Well, mostly because being dumb enough to die in a homemade submarine, whose engineer said “safety is overrated” and piloted the thing with an aftermarket $30 video game controller, is so absurd it’s nearly impossible to not laugh. I mean, come on. it’s like when you tell a kid “hey, that’s gonna hurt” and goddamned if it doesn’t hurt. That shit’s funny.

But, and this is my primary reason, were you aware that in the time everyone has been focused on Titanic 2: Billionaire Boogaloo, two ships full migrants capsized in the Mediterranean? Nearly 800 people were on one boat, 100 of them kids, 300 on the other. So far only 100-ish people have been rescued and 40 bodies have been pulled out of the water. Greece and other European nations are working on a rescue effort. 

But that’s not on the news. Why? Cause who gives a rip about poor people fleeing turmoil, that’s why. It’s not news when some dirty poors from Pakistan drown while seeking freedom. Nobody cares that children are stuck in an upside-down boat off the coast of Greece. It’s more catchy and attention-grabbing when it’s a goddamned bootstrap-pullin’ success story that died while trying to conquer the sea in a dick-waving contest.

And that, my friends, is why I laugh. Not because I find their deaths inherently funny (although picturing the pilot going “oh crap, I knew I should have packed extra controller batteries” is hilarious) but because this is my absurdist way of laughing at how messed up the world is.

Consider it modern-day Dadaism with memes. “Many Dadaists believed that the 'reason' and 'logic' of bourgeois capitalist society had led people into war. They expressed their rejection of that ideology in artistic expression that appeared to reject logic and embrace chaos and irrationality.” Except in this case, it’s the absurd worship of the über-rich that is being mocked. The pathetic belief that somehow, because they have money, they’re special and to be revered is what’s ultimately being laughed at. Not their deaths.

So why do I laugh at the submarine memes? Why do I share them for others to laugh at also? Because the whole situation is messed up, and it’s better to laugh at life than get pissy. “These guys are smart? Ain’t no way some dumbass in a homemade submarine who was too damn cheap to even buy a NAME BRAND CONTROLLER is as smart as he thinks!”

Who knows, maybe two other “pillars of American society” will take up the cause as well. And for that, my friends, we can pray.